Fucking August And It's Full Moons
August has been a rough month ladies and gents. And for those of you who don’t follow astrology and moons and homo shit like I do, there were two full moons this month that I’ve been blaming my shit mood on. Forgive me if you’re expecting a post with a feisty point but this will just be me venting as I tend to do now and again. Check back next week when some retard pisses me off.
Anyway, like I said, this month has been shit for more ways than one. My relationships with people have been tested to the max, which is almost absolutely why I spent a majority of my Friday playing Banjo Kazooie and having a dance party by myself in my bedroom for the last hour. Totally normal things for a 22 year old girl to be doing. Back to my story. Yesterday, I asked this dude out for drinks, or anything really because I’m bored and my social life vanished somewhere in this full moon renegade. I wasn’t trying to be sexual or abrasive or anything…I just like company. He got all flustered and said I would get him into trouble, and deep down I knew he had a girlfriend, and this only proved it. I politely informed him that I had no intentions or exceptions, and apologized for putting him in such a position. About two minutes later he said he was stuck in a clinical and ask for me to send him “pics” throughout the afternoon. Haha. At this point I knew I had won and asked him to make up his mind. He replied that he already had. After this, a few different ideas ran through my head and now I feel like is a good time as any to share them with the general public.
When I started writing this blog, I chose to do it for a few reasons, but one big one was to feel accepted. It’s nice to see people connect, comment, and like my posts. It’s wonderful to feel loved, even if it is just online. I think that’s why instagram is so popular. But for me, I just like to know other people feel what I’m feeling. Maybe I even give people a reason to feel not so out there. I don’t know. Acceptance is a tough thing for me. People like my blog because I’m honest and “funny”, but at the end of the day, I repulse people, or worse, confuse them. 50% of people think I hate guys, 25% of people think I’m a lesbian and the other…the other percent..ahem…think that I should quiet down. Out of my friends, 50% of them like seeing me treat guys like shit, 25% of my friends like watching me act like an idiot, and that other random percent I still can’t add up…oh, 75%...15%, the other 15% don’t let me touch vodka. I just feel like people have a misguided interpretation of who I am.
I don’t hate guys. I really don’t. I think that’s really misconstrued. I’ve been hurt in different ways than most girls. I’m sorry bids, but a broken heart is only half the battle sometimes. I’m just on my toes. Because of this, if you give me a five minute conversation, I can really figure out your personality, your dick size, how annoying you’ll be, how you’ll treat me in the long run, and why we won’t work. I just happen to regurgitate this info back all at once, which I suppose could be considered rude. I’ve come to learn that the only guys that like overbearing, over-the-top girls, are quiet, insecure, lonely guys. And I don’t want that. Even though I’m almost always in control, I feel uncomfortable around guys because I get an entire relationship in five minutes. I already know. There has only been one man to ever wow me, and like the rest, he turned me into a monster. No one can ever seem to match my expectations. And he’s probably reading this, getting his dick hard over accomplishment, but he shouldn’t. At the end of the day, he just gets tossed into the pile labeled “general”.
The guys pile up, and over the years, I found out that I’m quite a little lay. I talk about sex a lot on this blog. It’s not a joke. I love sex. Fuck, who doesn’t? I treat sex like a job. I know what will work; I know what to do. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve “gotten off”. I enjoy having sex conversations with my bidfriends because they talk about sex like people do in the movies. With passion, with openness, with the ability to build some kind of relationship off of the experience. Often times, I think they enjoy talking about sex with me, because I have a different approach. It’s all very complicated I suppose.
Oh, back to me being a lesbian. Yeah…that’s a lie. I’m pretty sure people with dick sucking fetishes like, well…dick. I do love girls though. It’s a part of my life that I require to function. I’ve met lots of rug munchers that think I’m SELFISH. My ex-boyfriend, my best friend, most people have all told me the same thing. The girls I fuck never quite get it. They use me for rebounds from bad break ups. I use them to try and get to a memory I can’t quite reach or remember. A memory I ruined. I guess at the end of the day, I’m just using my memory to fuck an uphill battle to get to a place I’ll never get back to.
Love. I’ve been told a million times that “Oh Kerry, stop it. I love ____ far more than you love ______.” Why? Because you love everything that eye fucks the shit out of you? Because you have a boyfriend? Because you’ve never gone more than 3 days without being in a relationship? No. You fucking don’t. If I love you, you know it, because it’ll scare you away so badly that you vomit and push me away until you’re stuck beating me with a lead pipe because I won’t stop being nice or loving towards you. It’s a wonderful life I lead. Fuck because you cannot love, and when you do, all that is really wanted is sex. I must have gotten drunk at some point because I’m getting angry. And I should relax. Woooo-sah.
That brings me to my original point – we want the things we cannot and should not have//we detest the things that are in front of us. This guy I was talking to strictly was giving me the time of day because I wasn’t his girlfriend. It makes me sick. I could be anyone. He’s interested in the idea; he’s in love with his own cockiness. Not me. He’s attractive, personable, going places in life, but is contemplating doing something awful just because he’s not supposed to. My ex boyfriend and I spent the last three years of our relationship chasing each other. I have friends that lead double lives. I know people that try to make up for whatever they consider “cheating” by becoming super, awesome relationship whores. But it also goes the other way. And that sometimes feels worse.
This post was strictly to vent. I’m sorry if it offended you or bothered you more so than any of the other stupid shit I write about. I just like to clear my head and start from scratch. Suck my nuts.
10/10 people are curious as to if I sent this kid pictures of myself.
*3/10 people know that I’m not that sickeningly insecure about myself and told this kid to have his girlfriend take care of that shit.
