Politics AKA Taking A Field Trip To A Diarrhea Farm

The way I look at things, America is on it’s fucking period this year. Every four weeks, I act like a raging bitch, and every four years, so does America. It’s time to vote again. And I’m not a political person by any means, but we’ll get into that in a second. I know that this is a fun blog where I poke fun at bullshit but no worries, nothing is going to change. And I also know that it’s a bad call to discuss politics because I’ll make someone out there angry, but I just think that this is so fitting with all these rahtards “discussing” politics.

To give you a little background on my deal with politics…I think it’s all a fucking sham. A great big pinata filled with nothing and you can beat the fuck out of that purple rocket ship and you won’t get any candy or nips in return. When I registered to vote, I sure as shit knew that I didn’t want to be associated with Republicans and I sure a shit didn’t want to be associated with Democrats. Ya’ll motherfuckers need Jesus and I’m not going to vote for some lying, cheating, sack of ball sweat. So instead, I signed my life away on the dotted line to the “Green-Rainbow Party”, which I assumed was a lot of this. Come to find out that only hippies, environmentalists, and feminist lesbians are in this party. Go fucking figure that I’m in a hipster Democrat party for lesbians. I was thinking more along the lines of Lisa Frank rainbow stickers and not having to support any viable criminal. I guess I fucked up there, but whatever. My take on it is that it’s not a wasted vote if its against someone in the two major parties so that when they fuck up, my hands are clean.

I understand that there are lots of opinions out there about what we should do about certain topics like welfare and healthcare and education and abortion and things like that. And there are opinions of who to vote for. And there are opinions of what to do to get out of this financial crisis. But when it comes down to, no one wants to discuss opinions. Everyone is so batshit crazy about being 100% right all the time that it just boils down to be Republicans and Democrats. A who’s who and if you’re not on my side, than you’re Satan spawn. Here are my opinions:
1. Welfare – If your ass needs welfare, your ass is going to be drug tested because I don’t give a fuck if you can’t afford your meth or your pills or even your pot (because I’ve been told that marijuana is the most dangerous of all the drugs). That’s not my fucking problem. I have a job, so I can buy my own meth. I can even buy the supplies and pay for my own place to cook that shit up like witches brew. And another thing – enough of these welfare motherfuckers who drive nicer fucking cars than I do, and have nicer fucking houses than I do, and have Iphones and all this shit. It’s no fucking wonder that these dicks can afford Benz’s and nice apartments and other cool shit because they don’t have to pay for the necessities! Motherfuck! It’s like being in high school again. I was rollin’ deep back in the day because I didn’t have to pay for rent, food, or electricity. Same fucking scenario. I wanna see these welfare sluts drug free in Geo Prizms with pre-paid bullshit phones.
2. Healthcare – This is a fucking bitter ass debate. I have insurance so I don’t give a fuck. I’m going to be seen and lied to by countless doctors because I have a magic card that says I’m special. Now, I know that there are some people out there that run businesses and can’t afford the heavy costs. Those people should be given a break. They bust their asses and keep small business alive. However, do I think every motherfucker on the planet should? No. Darwinism ladies and gents. Survival of the Fittest. There are some rude ass people out there who should be denied healthcare just because they’re assholes. “Oh, Kerry, that’s extreme”. No, its fucking not. Have you ever had someone ruin your fucking day and you were just like “Jesus, I wonder if the world would be fucking better with out them.” Yeah, those are the people. For example, Hitler. I would totally deny Hitler. The chart we would rate someone on would just be how close to Hitler is this person and if you’re placed on the 5-10 range, your ass is not getting covered that year. Try again soon. Learn some fucking manners.
3. Education – They’re letting ANYBODY pass high school now. And they’re making everyone go to college for no reason. Fuck. School is not for everybody. Make it still possible to earn a living by just graduating high school. High School is a fucking joke, something along the lines of people getting hired to babysit kids everyday and College is a party that no one even really gives a shit about other than who they’re fucking and what they’re drinking. Kids are fucking dumb as shit now.
4. Abortion- I know so many people who shouldn’t have kids. Please let that be an option for them.
5. The Financial Crisis – Jeeze, I don’t know. Stop voting for politicians who give those banking fuckers kick backs. There’s a step in the right fucking direction. “Oh but MYYYYYY president never did that.” Ok Jeremy Bottomtooth. Shut the fuck up, get your head out of your ass, and just admit that our wonderful country is worse off than Colombia. But honestly, when it comes down to it, I’m not fucking rich. I’m still going to shop at Walmart. I want 6 lbs of chicken for $4. I want to buy a box Cheese & Macaroni Dinner for 56 cents. So is this shit really going to ever fucking end? Probably not. But I’ll be sitting pretty with 120 count pizza bites for $8.99.

Now, the whole Republican vs. Democrat debate is pointless. They’re fucking both outlandish and TRUE stereotypes. Republicans bitch and fucking moan that such and such a thing has changed, but make their situation work for them and their families. Democrats bitch and moan that more shit needs to change and then find more ways to bitch and moan. Like fucking Democrats now, still voting for President Obama and asking for change. Like homeless people. “Can you spare some change, can you spare some change?” Motherfuck! Nothing is going to change because we’re all still voting for the same motherfuckers. Right now, in office, we have a guy that preached that all this shit was going to happen and even after finding Osama, all my friends are still over there getting blown up and shot at, and you know why? BECAUSE WE NEED OIL. Obama really is a smart man, just a bad fucking liar. Before him, we had a hillbilly retard who totally fucked shit up. Before him, we had a whore, who really just did what every man in an office with a secretary does. And then before him, we had the retard hillbilly’s dad. And before that, we had a movie star. And before that, we had a man who was too much of a pussy to really be a president so he ended up founding Habitat for Humanity. For fuck’s sake, no wonder why we are where we are. It looks like we’re voting for people’s avatars or characters in the Sims. The last great president we had was JFK who was a total babe who was married to a babe and fucked Marilyn Monroe and listened to Frank Sinatra and just did a lot of great shit for America. So why are we still arguing? You people aren’t making points. Just back and forth, backstabbing at the biggest joke government that we call a “Democratic Society” when really, everybody fucking knows that we live in a Capitalist society. And you can call me wrong and say I’m crazy and I know I am, but shit, what do people want to be when they grow up? RICH.

So go out and vote for this “hero” and go on and post stupid facebook comments on funny pictures poking at someone else’s party, but when it all comes down to it…so many of these people are blind to the truth. I’ll use my vote for someone who won’t win, go home, have some tequila, watch a funny movie, and sleep soundly knowing that the dude who wins won’t change shit because everyone is too concerned with Republics and Democrats rather than problems internally in the county. Go fuck yourself and suck my dick.

*9/10 people want me to stop talking about important shit and talk more about that fucking dick they met at the bar.