I Kicked Off Pride By Eating At ChixAFilet (But I Guess They’re Not Donating To Bad Things Anymore?)

Pride is always super fucking weird. Probably because I’m not a good gay. You know how everyone is like “Hey what Chex Mix creature could you do without?” and the general consensus is “RYE CHUP!”? Yeah well, I love the Rye Chips, and yes I know they make a bag of just those thank you for your comment person who thinks I don’t hang out a lot at Mass Pike rest stops. I know they’re there. Also shout out to the people who write reviews about the McDonald’s off the Mass Pike. I read one a couple years ago and it was someones Grandma leaving a bad review because they gave her an extra nugget. And that truly stumped me for a few lifetimes because there are so many causes I wan to poison that lady’s well with but I digress. Anyway, I always felt like the Rye Chip. Not liked upfront but very flavorful and if people really knew the bag without the rye chip they’d hate it because it would taste like potato chips. The rye chip is the seasoned catalyst to a wonderful snacking time. Anyway if you want to dispute your Chex Mix nonsense, you can always comment and get that algorithm pumping. I could not care less.

Pride is supposed to be about all inclusion and acceptance celebration (I’m guessing, I don’t really know), and my whole life I’ve never felt included or accepted. This might take some explaining so I guess strap yourselves into this fun ride. I’m not sure if you can say that anymore because of all the ride issues and people dying but if you’ve ever been on the Zipper and Motley Crue was playing and the kid running the ride has a mustache like this and a cubic zirconia infected earring I’m sure you’ll be fine. It’s wonderful if you find inclusion in pride and by being gay but I don’t. It’s like how straight people without hobbies plan their whole lives around Super Bowl Sunday, if that’s how you get through this ole thing we call life, cool. But I’m more than a holiday or an orientation or an affiliation. I’m me.

I remember when I had to fill out paperwork at my new high school in a town I had never heard of or been to. And, when speaking to my “guidance counselor” I felt like I was talking to a wall. And at first, I didn’t understand why. Until I met my principal. See, my parents were looking for a change, and so I had no idea where, when or how I’d begin high school, which is just so exhilarating to an already depressed and confused teenager. And they landed on this town on The Cape. Now I had good grades, honor roll, played sports etc. I mean I’m not an educator but I’d assume I’d look like someone you’d want at your school? But no. I was treated like bottom of the barrel. They didn’t know my family or my name, my family didn’t suck so-and-so’s-sick on the town council board or whatever other bullshit they were looking for. So I was pushed aside. I was picked on by students younger than me and was blamed for it. When it finally came time to try out for softball, which was a top sport in my town (I coached and was on town and travel teams growing up), I was judged not because of my skill but by what clothing I wore. All of my sports and workout gear was similar to this town’s rival team. So this coach, instead of seeing it as a new kid trying out, saw it as an act of defiance. Instead of asking anything about me or being a leader or, you know, a coach, she developed a really underlying hatred for me based on my skill and how my teammates supported me.

I try not to be “in my feels” as the kids say but it gets worse when it comes to these two people. People who should’ve probably been, I don’t know, the people they signed up to be? My softball coach would constantly demote me to JV from varsity for her own satisfactory enjoyment. And those games, I’d play the best. I’d do more than any other player. Her games would be over because we’d lose and they’d have to sit and watch me hit triples and call girls out because I knew the team’s signs. Finally, I gave up. My stepdad never let me quit any of my sports but finally he said to me “this coach is so bad and treats you this way, you’re allowed to quit”. So I didn’t play my senior year. What I did try to do was graduate early. This is something my school offered. You could graduate early and star earning credits at the local community college. A lot of my friends did it (most of my friends were older and had already graduated), who no offense to my friends, weren’t exactly students of the month. I met with the principal and not only was she late for the meeting, she quickly laughed in my face and told me that would never happen. She refused to sign off on it and was adamant I stay in the high school. So instead of graduating a semester early to get a head start on college, I was forced to stay in a school where 98% of my friend group had already graduated and my entire curriculum was English and art classes.

I guess you could say “well Kerry, how does this relate to pride?” Well, normally gays who don’t hit it off in high school end up being the loudest and coolest activists and drag queens. And they thrive. But gay culture is equally shitty at times. God forbid you don’t know your gay letters (I don’t), God forbid you identify as bisexual or even use such an archaic term (I do), God forbid you don’t go to PTown or the South End, God forbid you’re just a person who is attracted to people regardless of their gender and that’s kind of where it ends. There are a lot of people who put in there social media bios “gay, (pronouns), etc” and that’s like the last thing on my mind when I meet people. It’s the last thing I want to talk about. Not because I don’t feel comfortable but because I don’t give a shit. I don’t want to know who you’re dating and I don’t want to know how it’s going. I don’t care. I want to know about you and what you’re working on and if I can help promote your project or support you in any way. If I don’t have a really long, engaging conversation with someone or interact with them regularly on social media, I’ll forget their name. If you think I can keep track of who you like to put your parts against, you’re wrong. But I’d love to know what you’re favorite places are to eat, some songs you like, a nice sitting spot you enjoy and your favorite animals.

Also too, this is a segway but should be really mentioned here: I always love women I meet who are like the “moms” of the friend group and you walk into a new place and they want to make you feel comfortable but instead actually make you feel like shit. Like when I first started going to festivals, it’s me and my band tees and there were always women who were like “heyyyyy do you want some wine, are you comfortable, you look great, maybe put a tank top on and show some skin, we’re all friends here” etc. Like no dude, I’m comfortable, you’re the one who’s not because I don’t jive with your concepts of what people should wear at this event. Same thing happens when I DJ or go to any event really. I’ll play disco in all black and I’ll play techno wearing a pink and blue grill looking like George Clinton & The Parliament. It’s always been annoying people over my life who need to comment on what I’m wearing or saying like I should feel uncomfortable but in reality it’s people who don’t leave their bubble and my not giving a mother fuck upsets their concepts of structure. Same thing like when I go play a show an hop off stage and am in a sea of people and everybody thinks that they’re famous or somebody when in reality their pussy probably smells like abandoned Popeye’s peanut oil and they can’t name more than 10 countries on a map and have no opinion about anything other than a DJ they fucked or lip injections. I walk around in band tees and used Vans and m scraggily hair and people look down on me because they have no real concepts of what matters. I might smell like tequila and look like somebody’s weird friend but I could probably help you get booked or offer you advice to further your career (whatever it is). There’s a saying that goes “dress for the job you want, not the one you have”, which I think is wonderful. But a big thing for me as to why I dress the way I do normally is because I want people to respect me for my mind and my work ethic. Anybody can sell anything in a tight dress or a high end suit, I want you to like me and work with me because you like the real me. A version of me that I feel comfortable with. Not a version that I think I need to show you for you to accept me as a business partner, a DJ, a talent buyer, an author or a human being. Anybody can lease anything nowadays; it’s nice to look good, but anybody can look the part. I think communication and being your real self is more important.

Anyway that’s enough fun for one day. Make sure you go buy some random company’s shit because they put a rainbow on it. Joseph and his technicolor dream coat was PR before there was PR