New Year's Eve Is Like Slipping On Dog Shit Right Before The Finish Line Of The Worst Race Of Your Life
Ah New Year’s Eve…what a wonderfully obnoxious party day to shut down a year where every day was filled with enough destructive habits to be considered a party. I’m already so over today that I woke up at 8:30 to start it. Can you really blame me for being annoyed at a party holiday designed for people who hate partying any time during the rest of the year? That’s like some sort of anti-partyChrist Twilight Zone nonsense that my mind doesn’t comprehend. An anti-party party holiday. I’m picturing Jesus dressed up like Stalin with all the yuppies in the world driving around in their Beemers crashing into my trashiness and rowdy parties the rest of the year, cleaning up aka dressing down and trying to pretend that they do this shit on the reg. And Jesus is pissed about it too.
I spent all weekend frantically looking for something to wear tonight only to fail at it. I found one dress that I did like a lot which didn’t come in my size so now @AliLemos wins and I get kicked in the dick by the karma police. But I’m kind of thinking about it and it just seems stupid that I even bothered trying to find something new to wear tonight in the first place. I don’t give a shit about New Years Eve at all. It’s just going to be another night out to the club, where I’ll be covered in douchebags thrusting their dicks into my asshole on the dance floor who will most likely not appreciate me dumping $12 tequila on their button down from Express, thus calling me a cunt and asking my group of friends “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER?!?!!?”. Shit, I don’t know. All of that. Especially you making me waste my drink on washing away your shitty Axe body spray. That sounds exactly like something I need a new outfit for. C’mon man. It’s not even an important holiday… like my birthday. The whole concept of “I’m going to meet that special someone at this awesome New Year’s Eve rager” is fucking retarded. If I wanted to be stalked and harrassed and annoyed by one guy the entire evening, I would’ve paid someone to stand in as my boyfriend the whole night. Cool, give me your number, maybe we can hang out and fuck sometime soon, but for the sake of tonight, I really just to ring in the New Year with my friends and not deal with pretending to give a fuck that you went to BC and you live in Medford with all your boys. DON’T GIVE A FAAAAACKKKK. New Years Eve almost makes me wish I wasn’t 21. Scratch that…the club almost makes me wish I wasn’t 21. No idea how people enjoy that shit everyday. Point and case – I wish I didn’t have to look mildly nice tonight and could go out dressed like a hooker.
The other main gotcha to this holiday is how full the gym is about to get. Is this the line to use one of the 120 treadmills? Fuck me right? You don’t need a holiday to get your fat ass off the couch and make a lifestyle change. You just need a good pair of sneakers and a neighborhood to walk around in. You sure as fuck don’t need to come to my gym and make it busy as shit for the month of January. Whether its July or January, I’m assuming people are still calling you fat so I don’t really understand why now is the best time to pay $100 to sign up and use your gym membership twice. Actually, I guess it’s only one and half times because the first time you “have to take it slow”. I’m all for people trying to get healthy, whether your fat, skinny, or just plain stupid; I just don’t want it to affect my year round healthiness. And by healthiness, I mean working out to compensate for all the God awful things I eat and drink the rest of the time. Resolutions themselves are just plain stupid. You’re not going to go back to school, you’re not going to stop cutting your coke with Molly and chasing it with vodka spritzers, you’re not going to be nicer to people, you’re not going to look for a better job, you’re not going to stop cheating on your significant other, YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP DOING THE SAME SHIT UNTIL THERE IS A REAL REASON TO STOP DOING IT. I don’t think the date changing is significant enough to have a person wake up and go “Well, shoot, I added a one to the calendar, I’m going to turn my life around.” In fact, the way I look at it, it’s almost like starting from scratch. Now you can just start doing all that bad shit early on. You know, get it out of the way, and maybe by October, you’ll either be dead or have most of it out of your system. Then again, this logic is coming from a girl who just got her Stids test back clean as a whistle and proclaimed “IT’S LIKE I’M A VIRGIN!” at the top of her lungs, so who knows how thought out it really is. Too much info? Fuck yaself.
What are my resolutions? I don’t know. I kind of think that its all bullshit. I could sit here and say that I’m going to work on this and do that differently but at the end of the day I’m still going to eat like shit and compensate by going to the gym unhealthy amounts, drink too much and I apologize for it later, and have sex with people I shouldn’t only to follow up with scrubbing my body with steel wool after. My shrink keeps telling me that I have to work on making myself happy, meaning not allowing other people to affect my happiness. I’ve been hearing that for years actually. There are few things that make me actually happy. Being creative, live music, and spending my money on doing things rather than buying things. It’s pretty simple. I will admit that I like having people in my life to share these things with and sometimes a person’s mood will affect my time. I just like making sure people are enjoying themselves. I spent this whole past year learning to accept myself after having my ex-boyfriend countlessly tell me I “just wasn’t quite good enough” after 5 years, multiple people harass myself and my friends because I didn’t fit their mold of normal, and realizing that I needed to start going back to therapy to deal with all my bullshit. People either love me or they hate me, but at the end of the day, no one knows what to do with me. Most of the time people just think I’m lying or that my facebook has been hacked or that I say things to get something out of people. There are simply two people in the entire world that know me, love me, accept me, and aren’t embarrassed by all of the baggage I bring to the table. I wish more people could learn a thing or two from them, but then I guess they wouldn’t be so important to me if that was the case. I should try to be nicer to people for the sake of my friends, I just can’t look into the eyes of a bullshitter and give them any credit. The people who love me are real, honest people. And I will love you so much more for being yourself then being what you think people want to see out of you. My issues with addiction and obsession can always be worked on, whether that’s with people or booze or whatever I take a liking to. Moderation is the key word, and probably less pre-gaming too. My sex life could always be kept better in check, but when it comes down to my ideal situation, it’s like next to impossible. I’m trying to find this super awesome balance of having this bawse dude who likes to hang out like once a week, let’s me make him dinner and dress up in uncanny amounts of lingerie and wants nothing more than to drink lots of tequila and have sex all over the house. He also can’t mind that I like to watch the same 5 movies to fall asleep to, and even though I’ll give in and cuddle, he can’t be pissed when I’m not in his bed when he wakes up in the morning. The other side to this balance though, is that I’m also looking for this super sexy biddie that will come and go as she pleases, is super affectionate, and doesn’t care that I plan on spoiling her to no end. She has to be old country and like good music (tattoos don’t hurt either). She has to be confident in herself and understand my trust issues. But most importantly, she has to understand that I mean every single thing I say, no matter how over the top and ridiculous it is. I’m looking to make my balance work, however selfish it sounds to you. Maybe this year I’ll have better luck making it work without guys in relationships and girls that get caught up in their own minds and realize that our situation is “wrong”. My name is Kerry Quirk and I always get everything I want, but I never get it for long. Above all else, I’d like to work on changing that this year.
Happy New Year from all of us at Gorgeous Ranting Brunette. My, myself, and my five split personalities.
*6/10 people were hoping that my New Year’s Resolution would be to stop writing this shit and filling their heads with thoughts of my sex life and disgusting views of the world, all while risking personal embarrassment via this blog by talking to me.
