Happy 1st Birfday To GRB!
Yeah bitch, it’s our birthday, duck faceeeeee peace dub combo! Are bitches still doing that? As Uncle Joey would say, CUT IT OUT. Next person I see post a gosh damn duck face picture is getting a delete. Straight up.
Anyway, today marks 1 gorgeous, ranting, year with your favorite brunette. And I’d like to say thank you for reading. Seriously, I know I joke around on this thing a lot, but thank you. It really does mean a lot that other people in the world find me entertaining enough to run the risk of a nudie photo or an inappropriate phrase in their place of work or riding next to someone on the T. You guys are the reason I keep writing.
I’d like to answer a few questions that people ask me from time to time. Please feel free to read the questions/answers in the voice of the moon from the Little Caesars commercial.
Q: Do you ever take requests?
A. Yes. Absafuckinglootley. I find people getting ideas all the time and any good ones I typically use or try to incorporate. I only turn down ideas that are too specific because there usually isn’t enough to talk about or ideas that I don’t give enough fucks to write about.
Q: Why did you start writing this?
A. After my ex-boyfriend and I got into our last big break up fight, I went on a tirade via my facebook status. Like super long. Wayyyy too long for any fucking status. But a lot of people “liked” it and that means everything in the world, duh, so I continued to post ranty statuses. And lost a lot of facebook friends in the process because I’m really offensive and annoying. My good friend @AliPickering suggested that I start writing a blog.
Q: You write a blog?! What is it?
A: A very trashy look into the mind/life of Kerry Quirk. And how much I hate people’s dumbassness.
Q: You’re funny like Jenna Marbles, so I sent your blog into Barstool, your welcome.
A: Thanks for reading but seriously my blog has no business being on Barstool and I wouldn’t want to write for it or any other big blog like that. Jenna is hilarious, I love her shit, and it was fun promoting for them in college, but there are too many small-dicked foam party faggots that just troll the fuck out of that site and ruin it for people. In terms of writing for someone else, I hate deadlines and PR.
Q: What are the most popular posts?
A: 100% the most popular post is one a wrote about those stupid fake SkinnyGirl Drinks, which tops out at 328 views. I had friends messaging me saying that they emailed that post around their offices, which was fucking cool as shit. To finish out the top 4, we have
2. Learning to De-Stress: Xanax as ADD Medication
3. PlentyofDicksNClits.com
4. Would You Like To Watch A Movie?
5. Instagrannypanty Etiquette
Q: Do you make any money on this blog?
A: No. Google revoked my ability to make money off of ads being added to my blog about 2 weeks in when they realized how awful my blog was. They sent me a tasteful email.
Q: Can I see your new tits?
A:
Kidding. These aren’t mine at all. You guys are fucking dumbasses sometimes. Yeah. Ok. Here’s a picture of my new rack. That compliment about how hard you beat your dick to me really makes me feel special. How about you come over and blow me and maybe then I’ll take my shirt off and we’ll call it even. Retards.
Again bids and bros, thank you for reading 5,261 times. The only thing I ask is that you keep reading and sharing and calling me out and giving me ideas. Here’s to another 5000 views.
*3/10 people actually thought it was my fucking birthday. I’m an aries motherfuckers. The other 7 people actually believed that was my rack. That bitch is going to straight up topple like Jenga.
