OMGZZZ Is This Avicii? I love raving.

There’s a lot of rave jokes so far because it’s too easy. But I’m not here to just talk about that one specific area of the music going experience. No no, that wouldn’t be very me at all. To give you a little background on me – I love fucking going to shows. Any kind of live music. I love it all. But the older I get and the more live performances I see, the more hilarious bullshit I notice at said shows. And by hilarious bullshit, I mean dumbassness and biddie shit.

Now, the whole rave culture has gotten completely throw up in the air and swallowed by every person in America over the last couple of years. Things like house music and famous DJs and and glow sticks are all kind of wrapped up into a rainbow sparklefuck burrito with Molly sprinkled on top. I mean, when I was in high school, my definition of a rave was going to a house party where you could find a cornucopia of drugs, wash ‘em all down with a handle of Smirnoff Raz, dance on a table, get the spins, pass out on the floor, and wake up to @BriGalanto kicking me, telling me we had to leave because the cops were there. Now, people are making glowy gloves and dressing up like unicorns and Pikachu to hang out in a club where 90% of the people can’t buy a beer legally. But to each his own. That’s the culture, and there’s good music coming out of the whole movement. The thing about the rave culture today, is that dumb ass college broads try to reiterate what they see their rave friends doing and bring it to nightclubs. This bid is legit. You can probably catch her ass at DGAF any given Saturday night. These broads, as sexy as they may be, are probably on their way to Pacha for an Afrojack show and just like free drugs. Guys are so much worse. Holy fuck. I went to Hardwell on Thanksgiving Eve and every dude was a straight up rapist. Like I’m sorry me and my bids were going ham, but that doesn’t mean that we’re rolling face and enjoy getting your dick rammed into our ass cheeks or getting our faces licked. This isn’t fucking Ultra. I’m not on spring break. I don’t know where your tongue has been and the wet spot on your pants isn’t alluring.

If you’ve ever been to a rap concert, you know they’re usually not that great. There are very few performers I’ve seen that have blown me away. Jay-Z was one. And Lil’ Wayne with T-Pain was another great show. You don’t go to these types of shows because you’re about to get blown away by how good they sound live. No. You’re going to have fun, rap along, and feel a connection with the artist. Most of the time, rappers don’t perform as long as they should, or at all on occasion, and kind of the biggest pussies of the music world. You always get the little white girls who know the song on the radio featuring whoever is signing on the hook…and they go to sing that one chorus. And then you get the creeper 35 year old dude behind her trying to get her drunk so he can fuck her in the bathroom. IE – right here. Happens every time. Then you always get the white boys who are dressed in whatever was hot on BET six years ago. You get the black girls that are dressed to the nines, all stuck up as fuck that if they call up some little white slut on stage, shit it about to go down. Then you get the black guys that are confused as fuck as to when white biddies started growing asses. Rap shows are funny as fuck to people watch at because they’re the most stereotypical for every race involved. It’s embarrassing for everybody involved, but not nearly as awkward as when a rapper says the word “nigga” in a song and black people are looking around like somebody’s about to get punched, the little white girl is just like “I just wanted to hear Adam Levine’s part!”, the white boys are smoking up the Spanish dudes and I’m just jamming out because I like music. Embarrassing, awkward, and fun all rolled into one.

There are so many different kinds of rock. I saw Kiss & Motley Crue over the summer and that was pretty much as expected – burnt outs from the ’80s, little kids, people in their 20’s, just a whole group of people looking to go back in time. There are like little indie shows that are fun, but pretty chill and there’s not a whole lot going on. But then…there are all shows that you can mosh at. And these are the best by far. The funniest thing about these shows is that I’m usually the oldest person in the room, though I will say that is cool because I never have to wait for a beer. I’m usually dressed like a skeavy bar slut because I’m trying to fuck the band and everyone else there is 14 and looks like this. And it’s bullshit because I didn’t look like that when I was 14. But you get all these annoying kids that are bitching about how much their lives suck and how stupid their parents are, and I think back to that age and I felt the same way. But they’re fucking stuck up about it! Like I’m sorry I have real tattoos and don’t wear the band’s shirt that is performing, and left my wrist cutting attitude in my other pants. I just can’t stand it. And then you get the stupid fucking guys that are actually old enough to drive themselves to the show but are like 6’5 and like to stand at the front of the stage to feel most connected to the band. EVERYONE IS GETTING MY BEER ON THEM. Hands down. I’m 22 years old, I don’t have a curfew, my mom can’t tell me I can’t go to the show because I’m failing math. NO! I’m hear to rage. I earned my stripes at this show. All you little bitches can back the fuck off if I want to scream and head bang and chug ‘Gansett Tall Boys.

All I’m saying is that you should be yourself at shows. Don’t dress a certain way to impress people or feel like you have to play the part. Music is about having fun and enjoying yourself and connecting with others that feel the same way. It’s all love baby. More people need to remember that when they go out. I’m just going to wear an Invader Zim hat, plur bracelets, and grab my Louie bag and Coogi jacket and go to Warped Tour this year. Let’s just cover all the bases.

*9/10 people had to look up at least one word in this post. Congrats on learning today! Gold Stars for all!!!!!!!!!!