Confidence: No, That's Not A New Axe Scent

I’ve been thinking about things lately…what draws me to people. Now for me personally, the people I keep around me at all times, those are the people that got under my skin. If I like you, I want you around all the time, but most people, I’m just very iffy about. You don’t strike me one way or another. You may have right off the bat but I guess I just get bored easily. Anyway, I was trying to figure out why this is…what is it about people that makes me crazy about them. And then I realized – confidence.

I guess we should define confidence first. Now confidence, just to make sure we’re all on the same page, isn’t COCKINESS. A confident person will smile coyly when they know they have you, where as a cocky person will act like what they are – a cock. They’ll make side remarks and comments and rub it in your face, and by rub it in your face, I mean their cock. Starting to see where the name comes from? Good. Confidence isn’t something that’s general, you can be confident in one specific thing like a characteristic about your personality, how you look, something you excel at and so forth. Cockiness is just plain and simple douchebaggary. And now that I’ve used my vocab words for the week I can begin to run my mouth.

Now, there is nothing that pisses me off more than someone who is up my ass all the time. If you’re in my top five (the five people that drive me wonderfully crazy) you can blow me up all the time, but if you’re working toward that, it’s in your best interest to chill the fuck out. This may seem like a silly question, but have you ever had someone text over you? Like they’ll send you Hiroshima Bombs worth of texts at a time to the point where you can’t even respond? The fucking conversation turns into a game of Perfection and you have to send that one text before the buzzer goes off and all the pieces pop out and you cry because it startles you? FUCKING SCROLL TO THE TOP OF THE TEXT AND HIT CALL. FUCK! If its that fucking important, at least have the decency to talk over me. I just don’t understand it. Are you that afraid that I’m talking to someone else that you must keep all of my attention the entire day. I have job for shit’s sake! I have a commission-driven job. If I’m not working, I’m not making money. It’s nice you clock in and out and do fuck knows what everyday, but I don’t. Bother someone who sits at a desk and don’t get pissed at me if I don’t respond for upwards of an hour or two. I HAVE TO DRIVE EVERYWHERE. IT’S SALES. Like if you think our conversation of how our nights were (they clearly were’t spent together, with good reason) is important enough for me to drive into a Jersey barrier, fuck off and go cause someone else to get into an accident. Or maybe I’m actually hanging out with a human being, you know, a REAL LIVE PERSON I CAN TALK TO IN PERSON. I think its rude as fuck to be on the phone all the time. It drives me crazy. The icing on the cake though is when I get “yelled” at for not responding. Yeah, your confidence is really shining through your jealousy there. Oh…nope. That’s just your lack of inability to understand anything about the hierarchy of important ass shit in my life. Someone with confidence will simply not find it necessary to cuddle up and sleep in my asshole every second of every day. Call or text when you have something interesting to tell me or you want to hang out or you have a funny e-card to show me. 

The next thing is personal appearance. People like to hide behind clothing and make up and hair and shit. The guys that hide behind matching T’s and accessories and fresh kicks are usually the least confident because they have no idea how to attract biddies other ways. I have quite a few bid friends that are gorgeous when they roll out of bed or haven’t done anything to make themselves look “good”, yet they only see themselves as attractive after spending hours getting ready. Granted, I have some ugly friends that can’t help themselves whatsoever, but just know that there are those of you out there that look bawse all the time. My point is, why the fuck are you going to talk shit behind a pair of raybans and a fresh hair cut and act all cocky and shit when you’re paranoid about me enjoying your sex, I mean company? Take a step back and figure out what the fuck it is you like about yourself because when it comes down to it, I would probably have a better night rubbing one out in my own snap back. I’m at least confident! And biddies, please…we can all crack jokes about our imperfections, but I don’t want to hear about that shit all night. If you don’t like something about yourself, find something that you do, and run with it. Someone with confidence will rock that fuck out of what they were given, even if its not something they themselves find appealing. If you can’t stand in the mirror naked and find love for at least one thing about yourself, don’t buy clothes, don’t wear make up, don’t get plastic surgery. 

Of course I have to talk about intellect. It drives me crazy to be having a conversation with someone and they interrupt my thought and put me or whatever I was talking about down, because it’s over their head. People like to put other people down when they’re personally self-conscious about something. Look at my blog for example. I put people down all the time for acting fucking stupid because it makes me self-conscious about how weird I am for not acting that way. Anyway, if I don’t understand something, I’ll ask for it to be explained to me and try and work through it to comprehend the conversation. I constantly run into people that pull a “what the fuck are you talking about? hahahahaha” or a sarcastic fucking “wait, whaaaaat…?” Shit pisses me off. There’s no need to put me down based upon the fact that what I’m talking about exceeded an 8th grade education level. Yeah, its so attractive not being about to have an intelligent conversation with someone about an idea or an emotion or an action. L3TZ T4G OUR3LV3Z N iNST4G4AM PICZ!!!!! Biffles for realz. Someone with confidence will appreciate learning something and also teach you something new in return. By pretending that you know everything and making fun of what you don’t know, you actually look even stupider, only proving my thoughts that your parents persuaded you into eating orange peels and watermelon rinds as a child by telling you that it was “the crust”. 

Finally, I guess I should end with how you should be around me. I’ve been told that I’m scary, I’ve been told that people have no idea what to do with me, I’ve been told I’m crazy. I can be all these things but I hate how people walk around egg shells around me, well other than my top 5 of course. I’m really not that hard to understand. Make me laugh a lot, open yourself up to me, be able to have good conversations, like me on my bad days, know how to calm me down, don’t talk about my taste in music, but most importantly, believe in yourself. I hate trying to be impressed, I hate cheesy pick up lines and I hate knowing that I’m the most important person in the room. Make me work a little bit, test me, and of course, don’t give up on me. You’ll figure it out. Granted, my attention has a shelf life of a week, so if you don’t get me as a friend in that amount of time, you’re basically walking up a mountain in a snow storm with every animal in the Amazon jungle shitting on you. Oh, and you have a broken leg. You should’ve turned to page 23 instead. That’s the page we do it on. Someone with confidence will be able to read me like a book and win me over instantly, whether that’s romantically, sexually, or simply as friends. Confidence is the most attractive quality out there. 

What’s the point of this post? I’m not sure really. I just feel uncontrollably lonely sometimes. It’s very hard for me to get excited about a person and it bothers me, and of course, makes me self conscious that I’m trying too hard. I’m actually in a great mood right now, for whatever reason but it’s just something I’ve been thinking about. So many people lack this one quality, which is so simple and easy to achieve and it would do wonders for their lives, but it’s just not there. So take this as you wish, but grow some balls, stop acting awkward, and maybe you’ll get laid more or have more friends or maybe this will back fire and you’ll just level up faster in WOW. Either way.

*6/10 people are wondering if confidence carries over in bed. Yes, yes it does. I fuck like a porn star.