What The Fuck Is A Biddie?
It’s funny to me because I talk about biddies all the time, like all you fuckers know exactly what I’m referring to and why it works. I wrote a post about six months or so ago where I went over the different names girls get called. You can read it here. One of the things I talked about was biddie-dom but I guess the name itself deserves its own post. So, because you asked @ChrisJackson, here is a post strictly about this word known as biddie, or the word formerly known as biddie symbol sex dove’s cry.
Just to clarify, there are multiple uses of the word “biddie”, much like the word “ball”. I could be all like “Ball so hard motherfuckers wanna fine me” or “Your balls smell like dead baby fetuses wrapped in moldy peach yogurt” or “Throw the ball”. They all look the same, but can be used just oh so many ways. Ah, the wonders of the English language. And the wonders of my feeble mind using the same word so many damn ways that people need me clarify. Someone expand my vocabulary please.
1. Duckface Biddies: Duckface biddies are just the fucking dumbest broads on the fucking planet. These are the kind of girls still duckface fucking the shit out of the internet…like bitch, c’mon now, that shit flew off the runway and landed into the ocean three years ago. These are the kinds of girls that still believe dumbassness is sexy. Remember that God awful trend? “Jenny, if x +2 = 10, what’s x?” “Ummm, square? I don’t fucking careeeeee, I like purses and dogs in my purses and purses in my dogs. Meeeehrhrhrhhhhhhhhhhhh”. Fucking idiot. They’ll hit your car while texting and driving and blame it on their friend telling them not to text and drive. They’ll ask for a virgin wine cooler because they’re on a diet where they can’t drink the color clear. They’re the bitches that scream “IS THIS AVICII?!?!” when the DJ throws on Swedish House Mafia and then question why they haven’t seen this “Swedish House Mafia group” on Gangland. Jesus, it just took me so long to write that stupidly, but its fucking true. Punch these biddies in the vaginas so hard that their ovaries transform into brain cells or until they can’t reproduce. Whichever comes first.
2. Biddies Doing Biddie Things: These bids can go one of two ways. Now, everyone has a bidfriend like this. They’re just on their fucking A-game when it comes to being on the up & up with all trendy and cool shit. They know what to wear and how to look and what to say and what to listen to and what apps are cool, and to top it all off, they’re good at being cool in a trendy, I-fit-in kind of way. That being said, there are some stuck up, snobby ass mother fucking broads out there that for whatever fucking reason honestly believed that the UGG boot, legging, camel toe, messy ass hair combination made them the hottest bitches out there a couple years back. You know who I’m talking about. Don’t look at me like I’m trashy because I happened to show up to this 50 minute class 15 minutes late today with a beer, 6 meals, and a crossword puzzle in a matching velour ensemble. You would think it would be the beer at 10 AM, or the fact I’m eating without puking that would set these sluts off. But no, it’s my love of velour. I don’t give a fuck what anybody says. I’d rock that material whether it was 2007 or 2077. Shit is legit. Like a fucking hot pink velveteen bear suit that I can live in.
3. Bidfriends: Kind of like the terms “girlfriends”. And I don’t mean like the kind that like box, I mean like your friends that are girls. More specifically girls with girl friends. Because if you’re a guy with a girl friend, unfortunately that means you missed the train to pleasure town and got stuck on a boat to Friendship Island. It’s nothing really crazy. I mean if I was in a room with a bunch of fucking girls, not everyone would be my bids, but if I’m going out to the bar, I might say I’m going out with my bids. Comprende?
4. Bids: Just a standard term to describe a large number of girls. “There’s a lot of fucking bids with giant, glowly dildos at this show”.
5. This is Megan Fox: She’s a hot fucking biddie.
There are no major do’s and don’ts of biddiedom other than guys cannot be biddies. And neither can gingers. But then again, if you’re a red head, you’ve probably dyed your hair, and you’re probably a biddie. It’s a very relative word. Don’t fucking over use it in absurd situations. You can still call a girl a girl. Do use it as a compliment, do use it to make fun of someone, and especially use it out in public when some stupid bitch walks into you. In all honesty, the word makes no fucking sense so don’t use it if you want to look intelligent.
2/10 people own the above tank
*8/10 people think I need to shut the fuck up and pick up a hobby other than blogging and making shirts
